During the months leading up to our departure I felt like I was in the midst of a carnival of noise and action, surrounded by dozens of attractions vying for my attention. When we arrived here it was like being dropped into a dark silent room. At first it was a relief, but as the past two weeks have carried on it has started to feel stifling and I wonder what I am supposed to do. My family has jobs and school to occupy them, but I have precious little to do, and without the language I have no voice, and no independence.
Quite often in life you have a general idea of where you are headed and what to expect in your future, but at certain junctures you find you have no idea what is in store. At all. In some ways it's paralyzing, What am I going to do with myself?, but in other ways it's exciting and empowering I can do anything! I reached a critical juncture many years ago which left me broken, so I hope to learn from my previous mistakes and rely more heavily this time on faith, decision, and action.
I was looking over this map of Tbilisi and an image keeps coming to my mind of an intersecting point of roads, all leading to yet unknown choices. I must have left the dark room because now I'm circling the roundabout, weighing my options. These past two weeks have felt both like an eternity and not nearly long enough to make any lasting decisions.
I wish I had some wise advice regarding your present transition but anything I think of sounds trite since I've never experienced living outside of the USA. Your thoughtful comments and outstanding photography ease some of my concern about your being so far away. Please continue, I look so forward to reading them.
ReplyDeleteThanks, it's nice to know you're listening. xoxo.
DeleteAmber--I am so moved by your writing--the way you're describing your experience is so real, when I read it, my stomach lurches for you, as if I was there going through the same thing. As I read your description of the dark room, and how it has become stifling, I empathized. I've been there before, and if I had to be there again, I think I would be scared by the unknown. But then again, you are wise, to use faith and action to carry forward. How powerful to think that you really could do anything you wanted. I hope you keep documenting it all here so I can follow along :) Blogs can be a very powerful medium of change and inspiration, so please keep it up! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Marian, I really value your comments. Definitely makes the distance feel more manageable.
Delete